If you’ve ever wished on a shooting star, or spent hours cutting photos out of magazines to design your vision board, then you know all about trying to shift energy to try to chase after what you want.
Sex magic isn’t all that different. As a ritual, it involves setting an intention and performing a sexual act to try and achieve it. The act can be rooted only in sensuality, a masturbation sesh, or a romp with your partner.
Keep in mind, though, you’re not going to read a spell from a book or do a bunch of unfamiliar movements like you might have seen in films. Instead, it involves practicing a bit of mindfulness. Isabella Frappier, a sexual activist and pleasure mentor, and co-host of the Sex Magic Podcast, says sex magic has been practiced for way longer than has been documented in non-western practices.
Frappier says there are anecdotal stories of women trying to manifest their sexual energies to do things like aid the growth of struggling crops. “There are long-held traditions of women placing their vulvas on rising dough, and then baking it to gift to a crush as a love spell. There are even stories of women flashing their vulvas to struggling crops to help them grow,” explains Frappier.
These days, sex magic has reached a certain level of popularity in the West, but Frappier says it’s been practiced for hundreds, if not thousands of years. However, there is no official definition of sex magic. Instead, the practice is very personalized.
Frappier says it’s all about energy. “Magic is inherent within sex. They are both about energy. Sex magic is learning how to harness your own sexual power. It activates an intuitive part of yourself.”
Ahead, Frappier takes you through everything you should know about practicing sex magic rituals.
What is sex magic?
The word “magic” may drum up images of spells and the stuff appearing before you by just chanting a few words, but that isn’t how sex magic works.
Sex magic is using your sexual energy to set your intentions and manifest your desires, whether that’s financial abundance, meeting career goals, finding a new living situation, or deepening a relationship with a partner. Frappier adds every practitioner of sex magic will have their own definition of it, but in her opinion, it requires a few things: consent, connection, and pleasure. “When we combine these, sex magic means being able to shift your consciousness to connection and pleasure, with consent of course.”
Sex magic can involve different kinds of activity, from masturbation to a kiss. But in order to practice it, you need to be present, says Frappier. That might mean being mindful of your environment, your partner(s) if you’re involving others, your mood, the lunar cycle, or your internal cycles, and most importantly, your intention.
Because there’s no real science to sex magic (sorry), it’s all about feeling good and harnessing your energy towards your intention. Think of it like throwing a coin into a fountain and making a wish.
Frappier says the simplest way to practice it is to set an intention before sex on your own or with a partner: “Ask yourself, ‘What are my intentions for this experience?'” And go into the activity with that goal in mind.
What kinds of spells can you cast during orgasm?
Anything, really. Frappier says the only limit is your own imagination. You can try to manifest more money into your life, a deeper connection with another person, or any kind of personal healing you desire, and you don’t necessarily have to orgasm to be able to do it. “It’s true that orgasms are a moment of powerful energetic release, one that you can harness. But, there are all different realms of pleasure, and they are all powerful,” says Frappier.
In fact, the outcome may be better if you remove the pressure. “Adding the pressure of ‘having to have’ an orgasm to do sex magic can make it more challenging for vulva-bodied people to achieve them,” says Frappier. As long you set your intention, from there, just do you.
Okay, so how does it work exactly?
Though you can use materials like crystals and essential oils, if you don’t have them, don’t worry. Supplies like these can elevate your experience, but they aren’t necessary. What is essential are the four steps that will allow you to create your own sex magic ritual, says Frappier, and they can be as brief or as you want them to be.
First, reflect on your intention, whether it’s becoming more comfortable with your body, developing new friendships, getting a raise, or anything else you desire.
Next, cleanse your energy. Do this by taking deep breaths, or burn cinnamon sticks, rosemary, lavender, cedar, sage, or palo santo and smudge the smoke around your space.
Then, gather your materials. That can be sex toys, scented candles, flowers, or whatever else you’re comfortable with. You may also want to change the sheets of your bed to a color associated with the energy you’re chasing. “For example, if you’re doing a financial abundance spell, green or gold is very appropriate,” Frappier says.
Your next step should include a few moments to ground yourself. “I like to do some deep breath work, while imagining rainbow light flowing down from the cosmos, filling my body, and flowing down into the earth. Rooted, but flowing,” says Frappier. She also suggests some eye gazing with your partner as an easy way to get your energies in sync, or if you’re solo, some eye-gazing with yourself in the mirror.
Finally, you’re ready to perform the ritual, which will be unique to you and whatever your intentions or desires are. Remember: your ritual doesn’t have to end in an orgasm. When you feel the energy naturally starting to wind down or when you’ve fully explored your intentions for that session, says Frappier, you might consider the session over. Once you’re done, take the time you need to come down from the experience. Some ways you can do that include snuggling under soft blankets or journaling, adds Frappier.
You can even follow that up with some appreciation, says Frappier. “You can thank the universe for lending you its divine energy. Then, you can visualize your energy gently returning to within your heart space. It can be helpful to imagine any excess energy flowing down your spine and back into the ground, both nourishing and expressing gratitude to the earth.”
Your ritual is now complete. If this sounds like something you want to experience, but you don’t know where to start, here are some examples of sex magic rituals from Frappier.
For financial abundance:
This ritual can be used to manifest more money into your life, whether it’s a raise or financial freedom.
“Decorate yourself and your space in as much green and gold as possible. Get some cash out from the bank (sterilize it), and lay it on your bed with yellow rose petals. Light a candle. Set up a mirror so you can make eye contact with yourself. Light some candles, dress in a way that maybe you feel luxuriously sexy, and begin self-pleasuring (or partnered sex if you prefer).
Visualize a golden genital of your choice floating above you. It’s filled with all the financial abundance you’d ever need. Imagine how it would feel to make love to it. When it orgasms, it fills your body and energy up with an infinite amount of $100 bills. Pick a mantra to repeat such as ‘I love money because I love myself,’ ‘I am money,’ ‘I am magnetic to money, money is magnetic to me,’ or something more personal to you. If you orgasm, try and make eye contact with yourself in the mirror and shout your mantra out loud. When you’re finished, blow out your candle and say ‘and so it is.’ Then, remember to ground yourself afterward.”
You can use this ritual to heal from something negative or to create space for something that will improve your life, like becoming more confident in sex.
“Choose some duality by holding both something you’d like to release, as well as new energy or aspect you’d like to embrace. Next, craft a mantra for it. For example, if you want to release some negative self-beliefs and embrace feeling more confident during sex, a beautiful mantra for that could be, ‘I allow all sexual shame to melt away, and I fully embrace my sensuality.’ Next, set the mood. Light some candles, play some atmospheric music or relax with a bath or a self-massage with some scented oils first. This is time for you, so really indulge in it, and choose what works best for you. Then, it’s time to masturbate (or have partnered sex if you prefer).”
Frappier adds that some people are able to hold their mantra in their head during the build-up, but some aren’t. If you have difficulty doing this, she recommends writing your mantra down on a piece of paper, and placing it on your chest.
Remember to take this advice with a grain of salt. At the end of day, your sex magic ritual will be unique and individual, so only do whatever feels comfortable.
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